I was looking for a good topic to put on my blog this week and in picking my brain, I couldn’t come up with a darn thing. So, I figured I’d take this opportunity to discuss the absence of spring.
Yes, I know Spring doesn’t officially come until March 20, 2019 at 5:58 pm EDT according to the great newsworthy Almanac. But come on, does Mother Nature have to keep tossing snowballs and frigid winds at us before she allows Spring to come out of her hiding place? I’ve seen the telltale arrival of the robins, but why are they being tortured along with us? I mean, the poor little creatures are tucked up under the eaves on my back porch or hiding in the hay storage barn because heaven know it’s too cold and windy most days for them to even stick one of their beaks out.
I saw the first green shoots of some of the crocus flowers outside the chapel the other day, but even they don’t look like they are too anxious to expose their bright purple and yellow blooms to us. In fact, I’ll bet if they could they would shrink back into the ground until Mother Nature gets it together and lets spring out of her closet. Or prison. Whichever place she had the audacity to hide her.
We managed to get one day in the garden. Just ONE. Usually, you should be able to plant your peas by St. Patrick’s Day according to the wise words of my dearly departed father who had the biggest green thumb ever. We were able to rake up the old plants but after one attempt at passing the tiller through the soil it became apparent the garden was still too full of the remnants of the snow (translated to being too muddy) to even try. So, there it sits beckoning at me every time I look outside from the warmth of my kitchen window.
Of course, the goats must have spring fever because they have found the one hole in the fence between our pasture and the neighbor’s pasture and managed to get out. I have now dubbed them E-scape goats. One happens to be too fat for me to lift across the fence by myself and after several tries in the middle of the raging wind and rain the other night, managed to catch my crotch on the barbed wire at least twice, caught my foot in the mesh trying to get my crotch disconnected from the barbed wire, and ended up hind-side down in the swamp my neighbors refer to as their cow pasture. Thankfully, another neighbor came to the rescue and managed to slip the very plump Wesson back over the fence for me.
I did attempt to do some spring cleaning over the weekend, but after cleaning up the trail of mud from my adventure in goat catching and watching the snow come down, I figured it would be futile to do the deep cleaning I like to do in the springtime because surely one of the E-scape goats will manage to find themselves on the wrong side of the fence and I’ll have another trail of mud. I’ll save the spring cleaning for when I know Spring has really arrived.
I wish I had a direct line to Mother Nature because my guess is she and Father Time got their wires crossed while they were wrapped up together over the cold winter months. I picture the two of them with their arms and legs tangled up watching PornHub on the internet or wherever you can find that particular channel. Not that I would know. I guess for as long as they’ve both been around, they deserve a little boost to their love life. But not at the expense of forgetting to let Spring out of jail.
Speaking of jail. Has anyone seen that little lying prick of a groundhog? I’ve heard he is wanted in cities and towns across the nation for fraud. I hope someone catches the little liar and throws the book at him. Giving us his spiel about predicting the weather based upon his seeing or not seeing his shadow. Either way, the little jerk said spring was in 6 weeks from Ground Hog Day and by my calculation that would have been March 9th. Does anyone want to go ground hog hunting with me? They need to strip him of his holiday…and his fur. It’s probably worth more than his word at the local fur trader. (PS-Don’t tell PETA on me for saying that…SMH)
Okay, I guess I’ll stop complaining. It’s not doing anything to warm the weather but I’m getting a little hot under the collar because I’m frustrated with Mother Nature right now…not to mention wondering what she and Father Time are watching on the internet.
Happy Spring to all…whenever she arrives!